NEXT bleach yaoi style
by Destiny's Eternal Sands
Summary: Ichigo on MTV's Next rated T because of the new chapter.
1. Meet the datees

Disclaimer: I do not own any bleach characters the only one i want is Ulquiorra!

Reia's Blurbs: This is a random ficcy i wrote when i was bored. Enjoy and review! For u Ichigo Yaoi haters read it first!

"I'm Ichigo Kurosaki, I'm 15 years old. And for as long as I can remember, I've been able to see the souls of the dearly departed," Ichigo tells the camera.

"I'm a soul reaper," a female voice says. The camera swerves to reveal Rukia Kuchiki. "My name is Rukia." Ichigo comes from behind her, kicking her in the face. "Rukia! I'm not into girls! I'm trying to find a nice guy!" Rukia looks at Ichigo. "I thought we were doing that commercial for [adult swim, you know the Bleach commercial!" "YOU HOE!" Ichigo yells, "I'm on MTV's NEXT! Get lost!" As Ichigo finishes his sentance, Byakuya Kuchiki appears and drags Rukia back to the soul society. Ichigo sighs as the camera begins to show the daters.

The first dater has long red hair and weird tattoos on his face. "I'm Renji Abarai. Your average guy, except my package! If this guy knows what's good for him, he won't next me!"

The second dater is still in high school sporting a nerd head band. "Keigo Asano's the name, sleeping with hot guys is my game!"

Dater number 3 the is an older guy. "I'm Isshen Kurosaki. I have a wife and 3 children. I need a good faithful man to please me!"

The fourth dater is extremely short, orange, and fuzzy. "It's the loveable KON! I love long walks on the beach and I'm a chubby chaser! I hope this guy has man boobs!"

The last dater was your average looking high school student. "Umm. I'm...I can't do this!!!!" He tries to run but some stagehands push him back. "I'm Uryu Ishida and I don't want to die!!!!" He screams and cries as he runs on the bus.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen the contestants for this episode of NEXT! What will happen? Who knows! Stay tuned to find out!


	2. Ichigo's choice

To people who read the first chapter I'm sorry it took so long to finish. I've been slacking off and you will probably behead me for that. But before you do, read and review the end of my bleach yaoi ficcy. Here goes:

All 5 guys are on the bus shaking hands and making small talk. "Well, I'm up first!" Renji said standing up, "You guys will be on this bus forever!" "BOO!!" the others shout.

Renji steps off the bus as the screen pauses and shows some intel about our tatooed datee.

Name: Renji Abarai  
Nicknamed: Mr. Pointy  
Isn't allowed at public baths  
Ate 2lbs of cat litter as a dare.

"Hello, there sexy," Renji says holding his hand out. "Dude, WTF is up with those Tats? NEXT!" Ichigo replies. Renji pulls out his wallet and drops it. With his back toward Ichigo he slowly bends down, picks it up and smacks his butt, and blows the sand off of it. "I'm too much for you anyway." Ichigo blushes.

Renji steps back on the bus. "Dude what happened?" Kon asked. "The orange haired freak didn't like my tatoos. Too bad for him they go all the way down. Keigo ur up next." "Orange hair huh? Maybe he'll look like a pumpkin!" "NO KEIGO DON'T LEAVE ME!" Keigo looks back and sees Uryu holding onto his leg. "Hey, my man is waiting." Keigo replies kicking Uryu off of him. "No!" Uryu cries, "I'm not even gay!!" "Well we'll see if we can't change that," Renji says. "Save some for me!" Isshen says as they begin to rip Uryu's clothes off as Keigo steps off the bus.

Name: Keigo Asano  
Has never scored in the top 50 of his class.  
Sports Nerd Acessories.  
Didn't know he was gay until he was asked to be on the show.

Keigo steps off the bus and recognizes Ichigo standing there. "Hey, Ichigo! What do you wanna do with me first?" "Umm NOTHING NEXT NEXT NEXT!!" Ichigo wails. "Ok then. See you at school monday!" Keigo says and skips back to the bus. As he climbes onto the bus he notices Uryu laying in the fetal position rocking back and forth. "What up with..." "Do you really wanna know?" Renji interupts smiling. "On second thought, Isshen you're up!"

"FINALLY!" Isshen sighs and stands up. Turning toward Uryu he whispers, "I'll be back, wait for me." Which sends Uryu into a sobbing fit. As Isshen steps off the Bus it gives some info on the oldest contestant.

Name: Isshen Kurosaki  
Nicknamed: Daddy  
Runner up on Rock of Love  
Can't remember that his wife died

"How's about I pull it out now? Wait, is that you Ichigo?" Isshen asks his son. "OMFG DAD? What are you doing here??" Ichigo asks blusing furiously. "Huh, I didn't know you were gay." Isshen ponders. "Um yeah sorry you had to find out this way dad," Ichigo says running his hand through his hair, "Wait a minute, you're gay what would mom think?!" "I don't know why don't you go home and ask her?" Isshen replies. "Dad, she...she died" "Really well I'd better go make funeral arrangements." "Next," Ichigo whispers. "By son, see you at home!"

"Nice kid," Isshen says getting back to the bus, "Kon go easy on him, he's my daughter or something like that I don't really remember." "Byez," Kon says blowing kisses to the guys.

Name: Kon  
Has no last name  
Is a mod soul  
Loves man boobs

Kon walks (can stuffed animals walk?) to Ichigo. "What's taking this guy so long?" Ichigo asks. "I'm down here!" Ichigo walks forward and steps on the fuzzy orange lion-thing. Feeling something underneath his foot, Ichigo bends down and picks up Kon. "Do I look like a freakin stuffed animal?" Ichigo asks, "NEXT!" He tosses Kon on the bus steps. "Whatever, you didn't even have man boobs." "Whaaa! Instantly nexted!! Uryu you're up." Uryu, being erriely quiet stands up and leaves the bus.

Name: Uryu Ishida  
Has Quincy Powers  
Hates the word Haphazardly  
Was just raped by Renji

Uryu walks toward Ichigo with his shirt still ripped and his pants unbuttoned. "Uryu? Gosh today's getting weirder and weirder." Uryu rushes Ichigo and knocks him to the ground. "Whoa!" Ichigo calls. Uryu begins to rape Ichigo. "Oh my...pant...this is fun! Second date?" Ichigo asks. "SECOND DATE SECOND DATE!" Uryu chants.

The camera then shows the 4 nexted guys. Isshen and Renji are making out and Kon and Keigo are making out. "No sexy guys for you Ichigo!" the rejected yell.


End file.
